I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
the liver wants what the liver wants
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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