3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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