Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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