proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
