well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
