yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
