Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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