Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
