I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
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sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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