Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
