you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
