I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
