i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
