party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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