Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
