Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
