i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
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So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
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Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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