she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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