I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
