you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
