I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
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