I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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