garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
