1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
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