i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
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