I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
