It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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