I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
