Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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