You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
