he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
