If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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