Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Randomize
