you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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