and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
