its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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