The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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