Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
