Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
