yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
