Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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