All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
