I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
