I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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