If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
