How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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