everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
