There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
