dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Randomize
