So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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