Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
what day is it and did you see me today?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
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