Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
