WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
