Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Randomize
