Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Sorry about my life...
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
