First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
