I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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