She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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