the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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