you guys were way drunker than both of me
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
