um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
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