There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
