That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
