I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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