Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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