Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
