Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I made him laugh his dick is mine
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
