why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize