Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Randomize
