This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
