god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
