i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
