Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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