You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
