i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
