I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
