good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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