He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
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Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
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I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
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