I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Randomize