u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Randomize
