just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
